I'm wondering if I will ever be well. I feel as though 2 1/2 months ago I was in a car wreck and am still recovering. When in truth I was walking out of a "train wreck" and into something better. My life is better. My dreams of the last year are all coming true. Yet, here I am finding myself too exhausted to enjoy them.
Would it sound silly to say I think there might be depression at work? I only say that because I've had short-term depression before and what I remember most markedly is the utter overwhelmed-ness (is that a word?) that would overtake me. So today, I decide I'm going to try to get some control and start researching what exactly causes fatigue in Fibromyalgia patients. I looked at exactly ONE website, and couldn't continue. The minuscule amount of info on that one site, most surrounding diet change, had me ready to dive into bed and pull the covers over my head. Especially since there was nothing concrete: your body, your diet, find what works for you. Really?
Is it because I'm still looking for the magic answer? Do I hold on to hope that I'm going to find the cure for myself? I don't want to give up and just feel this way for ever. I have THINGS I want to do.
And that leads me all the way back around to depression. Do I know I'm fighting a losing battle and already feel defeated?
I'm famous for not giving up. I am an answer finder, it's what I do. At least that's what I DID. It seems like it is just out of reach.
I'm not giving up, I guess. Only for tonight. Tomorrow, is round two. Small steps to finding a way out.
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