The Alien Inside Me

Some days it seems I will never be able to get up. When I first woke up my pain level was lower. It's crawling upward. That's literally what it feels like: pain crawling through me. It moves, or spreads, rather. What started in my back this morning has now stretched its arms and legs into my shoulders and hands. Maybe if I think of the pain as a symbiotic being living within me I could tolerate it better. Give it a name, an identity. Then either befriend it, or cast it out. (anyone else visualizing The Host, here?) In many ways that's what a Fibro diagnosis is like. A new element takes residence in your life and seeks to take over. It changes your body, your brain, your activities, even your sleep. For the most part you are at Its mercy. Believe me! Most people will find it just as likely that your body has been invaded by an alien as they will believe you are actually ill with an "invisible illness". So let's just have fun with this analogy, shall we?

In the beginning you may lose yourself to It, mourning your former life, activities, sometimes even your loved ones as those you used to do things may withdraw from you. Later you try remember who you were before and may become motivated to reclaim yourself! That's where I am.

I've given up activities, lost friends. Thank God, He sent me a husband who believes in forever! Who stands by his vow of "in sickness and in health". So day by day I spend a bit of time considering what I can do to either live a fuller life with my new "friend", put it to sleep with pain pills, eradicate it with vitamins and diet change (if that's even possible), or simply embrace it and lay down with it. Some days I get farther than others, more motivated, and that's what this BLOG is about.

Regardless of which choice I make, my life is mine! I want it back. I will claim it back with my new friend tagging along or without. Remembering what I love about my life and doing a little of that every day (even if only minutes), is my instant victory. One day, with God's help, it will be more than minutes and my life will be fully my own again.

If you are suffering from something chronic or life changing (illness, depression, grief) I ask you to subscribe to this BLOG and share with me. The journey is easier if you walk with a friend, sharing your struggles and victories. I welcome your comments and encouragement.

P.S. Leave comments to suggest a name for my bodily inhabitant. Although "Flo" would be appropriate at the moment, let's try for something else. Flo is my alien's cousin. They don't play well together. :)