I had a conversation with someone this morning that reminded me of a Covey "doctrine". He calls it our circles of influence. This person was upset about recent goings on in Washington. This person also has enough on her plate as a full-time mother of 2. The simple idea behind this concept is this: (using Washington as an example) I can not control what our President does. Even if an email from me made it to his desk, it's likely he could care less about my opinion. That's not an effective was to cause change. Change is caused in a ripple effect. Who can I influence? Who is it that cares about my opinion and considers it? I start there. That person probably has a different, and sometimes larger circle of influence. Once they are influenced, they can work on their circle.
Rosa Parks did not march on Washington. The slaves, didn't march on Washington. Rosa Parks used her influence right where she was. Those slaves in captivity who had no voice never gave up. Who did they influence? Their children. Reminding them that there was life outside of slavery. Teaching them about freedom despite the dismal prospects of it. That influence and spirit of change has affected an entire country if but only a little at a time. Look at the outcome!
So why the soapbox, today? We have so much responsibility in this life. We are stressed out beyond reason and so much of it is caused by stuff we have no control over, whatsoever. Some things that, even if we did have control over, are actually pointless or moot. We don't have to control EVERYTHING do we?
I know a couple of people, who, would be quite happy to simply have influence over themselves! They would be content to get through one day without panic. To make it a little further in the day before they surrender to the debilitating pain and take a pain pill.
Who do you have influence over today? Over what things do you have no influence whatsoever? In fact, over what things should you NOT have influence? The sun rising? The price of tea in China? The loss or gain of another?
More than anything else, this is an energy thing. Today, feel blessed for all that you have; for all that is right in your life. Make a list of all that vexes you and cross off the ones over which you have no influence or control. Now take the energy gained from focusing on the positive, and getting rid of the futile and spend it somewhere profitable. Use it to love someone a little more than usual; work a little harder; be a little kinder; change something small today.
We have only today in our grasp. Make it worth something to somebody if it's only yourself.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
BLOGGING on the fly: Mean people stink!
I don't really have any particular insight today. Except maybe one: negative, mean, people make me tired.
I haven't done Tai Chi today and believe me when I say my Chi needs cleaned! I have seen, this week, unbelievable acts of mean-spiritedness. (is that a word?) If not, it should be. I see people all the time who try so hard to stay focused on the postive aspects of their life, only to have someone close to them tear them down.
There people like this among us and we might be completely unaware. You don't know what happened last night to that person in the elevator, or the lady in the coffee shop. My point is that it NEVER hurts to be NICE to people wherever you encounter them. If this is true for perfect strangers, it is even more so for those we love. (or who we claim to love)
Kindess can heal inury, save a marriage, raise a child, encouarge the sick, and refuel the caregivers. In unimaginable ways, simple kindness can change your life and those you encounter.
I'm beat today!!! I've spent much engery this week counseling people who have been afflicted by someone else's mean-ness. One hateful remark to someone who loves you can be so harmful. Imagine what it can do when repeated over and over, again.
Be positive. Think nice thoughts. See the good in others. Act in kindness. Be mindful of the affect you have on others. It's much greater than you might think.
Encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thess. 5;14
I haven't done Tai Chi today and believe me when I say my Chi needs cleaned! I have seen, this week, unbelievable acts of mean-spiritedness. (is that a word?) If not, it should be. I see people all the time who try so hard to stay focused on the postive aspects of their life, only to have someone close to them tear them down.
There people like this among us and we might be completely unaware. You don't know what happened last night to that person in the elevator, or the lady in the coffee shop. My point is that it NEVER hurts to be NICE to people wherever you encounter them. If this is true for perfect strangers, it is even more so for those we love. (or who we claim to love)
Kindess can heal inury, save a marriage, raise a child, encouarge the sick, and refuel the caregivers. In unimaginable ways, simple kindness can change your life and those you encounter.
I'm beat today!!! I've spent much engery this week counseling people who have been afflicted by someone else's mean-ness. One hateful remark to someone who loves you can be so harmful. Imagine what it can do when repeated over and over, again.
Be positive. Think nice thoughts. See the good in others. Act in kindness. Be mindful of the affect you have on others. It's much greater than you might think.
Encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thess. 5;14
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Key to Destiny is Willingness
I can't take credit for this blog title. There is a book called "The Key: And the Name of the Key is Willingness" (Cheri Huber, June Shiver). I haven't read this book, its title sent my mind on an adventure.
"Be the change you want to see in the world"; "Keep on doing what you've always done and you'll keep on getting what you've always got"; (and my favorite) "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" ~ Albert Einstein. We've all read these. We probably even have them as a tag line on our email or Myspace page. The concept is simple, we can create change if we are willing.
I know this seems like a simple obvious concept, but the implications on our life is huge! It means that there is almost nothing that we can't not fix or alter for the better.
Here are some examples from my life: I could drive a new car and live in a big house if I am willing to put my kids in daycare. I'm not willing. If I would follow "Kelly The Flylady's" nighttime routine, my life would be amazingly more organized. I'm not willing. My friend who can't get her house clean, lose weight, feel better, or sleep more could do all of those things if she would just turn off the TV. She's not willing.
In my belief system I believe that my destiny is determined by God, and, therefore, is perfect. That's the potential: a perfected destiny. Am I willing to submit completely to the will of my God?
As you can see this simple thing can affect whether or not your foyer is tidy because you take 5 extra seconds to hang up your coat, to whether or not you fulfill your spiritual destiny. Whatever your roadblock is you ask yourself two questions: what will it take to change this? Am I willing?
I would be remiss to not talk for just a second about the things we can NOT change. There are things that we do not have control over. We do not have control over our spouse's chronic illness. We DO have control over our response to it. We DO have control over our perception of that person. We can change how we treat that person and ask ourselves: what am I willing to do to help him/her through this? What am I willing to do to make sure their needs and my own are being met? What am I willing to do to ensure my lifelong vow to this person is fulfilled in a Godly way?
What are you willing to do to gain a new perspective on that child that isn't meeting your expectations? or just isn't what you thought they would be? What are you willing to do to change the way you respond to that friend that is suffering because of his/her own decisions? You can't make them do things differently, but you can be an example of change, and love them through it.
Pick one thing today, something simple, that you want to affect. Ask yourself what you need to do to change it. Ask yourself if you are willing.
This is my simple one: I want to change my croproom from a disaster area to a retreat. I'm going to have to get rid of some stuff. I am willing to remove or throw away the clutter that is causing the chaos.
Some things will take time and you will have to change a bad habit into a good one. However, once you've realized this, that you have the power to change something, and you are not willing, then you no longer have a right to whine about it!
Good luck and don't forget to share your questions, comments, or success!
"Be the change you want to see in the world"; "Keep on doing what you've always done and you'll keep on getting what you've always got"; (and my favorite) "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" ~ Albert Einstein. We've all read these. We probably even have them as a tag line on our email or Myspace page. The concept is simple, we can create change if we are willing.
I know this seems like a simple obvious concept, but the implications on our life is huge! It means that there is almost nothing that we can't not fix or alter for the better.
Here are some examples from my life: I could drive a new car and live in a big house if I am willing to put my kids in daycare. I'm not willing. If I would follow "Kelly The Flylady's" nighttime routine, my life would be amazingly more organized. I'm not willing. My friend who can't get her house clean, lose weight, feel better, or sleep more could do all of those things if she would just turn off the TV. She's not willing.
In my belief system I believe that my destiny is determined by God, and, therefore, is perfect. That's the potential: a perfected destiny. Am I willing to submit completely to the will of my God?
As you can see this simple thing can affect whether or not your foyer is tidy because you take 5 extra seconds to hang up your coat, to whether or not you fulfill your spiritual destiny. Whatever your roadblock is you ask yourself two questions: what will it take to change this? Am I willing?
I would be remiss to not talk for just a second about the things we can NOT change. There are things that we do not have control over. We do not have control over our spouse's chronic illness. We DO have control over our response to it. We DO have control over our perception of that person. We can change how we treat that person and ask ourselves: what am I willing to do to help him/her through this? What am I willing to do to make sure their needs and my own are being met? What am I willing to do to ensure my lifelong vow to this person is fulfilled in a Godly way?
What are you willing to do to gain a new perspective on that child that isn't meeting your expectations? or just isn't what you thought they would be? What are you willing to do to change the way you respond to that friend that is suffering because of his/her own decisions? You can't make them do things differently, but you can be an example of change, and love them through it.
Pick one thing today, something simple, that you want to affect. Ask yourself what you need to do to change it. Ask yourself if you are willing.
This is my simple one: I want to change my croproom from a disaster area to a retreat. I'm going to have to get rid of some stuff. I am willing to remove or throw away the clutter that is causing the chaos.
Some things will take time and you will have to change a bad habit into a good one. However, once you've realized this, that you have the power to change something, and you are not willing, then you no longer have a right to whine about it!
Good luck and don't forget to share your questions, comments, or success!
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Famous To-Do List
This is needed for busy Moms as much as it is for any professional. Lets make this realistic, we are never going to get it all done, ever. You are too busy to read a long blog so here's the goal of your list:
Write out your Top 10 and put stars by the once that, if not done today, a disaster will ensue. Your goal is to complete your Top 3. If you get more than that done, then kudos for you! Do you top three and go to bed tonight feeling like you've actually been productive today!
Have more time, right now? Read further:
It's important to get to a point where your entire list is not your top priority. When you have had to put things off for to long, you may realize that everything you just wrote down is urgent. There is a model for this compiled by Stephen Covey and yes! I do recommend reading his books! He divides tasks into categories the two I want to focus on today are Urgent and Important.
Urgent are things that may not be all that important but you are running out of time to get them done and you must do them today. But they may also be Urgent & Important. These things will need to be your Top 3. They are likely to be your stressors. I have been putting off calling the bowling alley for our Scout Pack for a week. Last week this task was important. I've put it off, now it is Urgent & Important. For more and better worded explanation of this see this link http://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/7-habits/7-habits.htm Read the whole page if you have time, if not scroll to the bottom and look at the "Time Matrix"
Write out your Top 10 and put stars by the once that, if not done today, a disaster will ensue. Your goal is to complete your Top 3. If you get more than that done, then kudos for you! Do you top three and go to bed tonight feeling like you've actually been productive today!
Have more time, right now? Read further:
It's important to get to a point where your entire list is not your top priority. When you have had to put things off for to long, you may realize that everything you just wrote down is urgent. There is a model for this compiled by Stephen Covey and yes! I do recommend reading his books! He divides tasks into categories the two I want to focus on today are Urgent and Important.
Urgent are things that may not be all that important but you are running out of time to get them done and you must do them today. But they may also be Urgent & Important. These things will need to be your Top 3. They are likely to be your stressors. I have been putting off calling the bowling alley for our Scout Pack for a week. Last week this task was important. I've put it off, now it is Urgent & Important. For more and better worded explanation of this see this link http://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/7-habits/7-habits.htm Read the whole page if you have time, if not scroll to the bottom and look at the "Time Matrix"
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