Me defined by You. Hmmm.

Several experiences today are the fuel behind this post. This is my second full week of working part time and I consider it mostly as success, despite not accomplishing as much as I hoped. How it was ever possible that I worked 50 hours a week is a mystery to me. Three hours a day and I'm pretty much done. Which leads me to reference point number 1. In a well written Fibro Blog "10 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself", Number 7 on that list was this: "Putting yourself last. A lot of us are willing to put all our energy into the people around us, our jobs, our responsibilities ... only to have nothing left for ourselves. It doesn't work. If you don't take care of yourself first, you'll have less and less to give until there's nothing left - because you'll keep getting sicker. Taking care of yourself is survival, not selfishness."*

Umm, yeah, ok. So the algebraic equation of 50 hours per week X 4 months (give or take) = non-functioning me. NEWS flash! That's the kind of behavior that develops Fibromyalgia to start with. News Flash FLASH!! Take care of yourself girlfriend this advice applies to you too. It's not just us Fibro gals that need to pace ourselves. It's burning the candle at both ends that causes the damage that leads to Fibromyalgia, or at best, burn out.

The point of that BLOG (references below) was that we Fibro FROGs** need to stop holding ourselves to "normal" standards. Doing so is not only depressing but impossible. You can hold yourself only to your own standards and abilities. Come to think of it, that's a message for ALL Moms. You have two little ones around your ankles and you think your house is going to be clean? Are you working full time AND trying to make the class party AND the weekend campout AND the bake sale AND you don't know when your family is going to have clean clothes again or you will ever sleep again? No. Stop It. Lady Friends, it doesn't matter if your house is clean. If it matters that much, don't eat out once and pay a teenager (or your own kids to do it). I am a testament that it's just not worth it. Ever.

Do what you can do. If you do all that you can, and take time to take care of yourself too, consider it a success.

Finally, I was moved by a BLOG written by a preacher I know, Tim Pyles. Though his was centered around sports the point he made was incredibly relevant to my week:

"It’s not that Tim Tebow can’t mentally recall past disappointments and failures on the field, he just isn’t owned by them, debilitated by them, or defined by them.
“... But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14)."***

So I didn't get the house all cleaned. So I had an hour's worth of energy after working 3 tiny hours. So I crashed 2 nights out of 5. Next week I'm going to try it again. I'm going to approach it positively. I'm not going to hold myself to my standard of functioning I had 6 months ago, or 6 years ago. While Fibro may necessarily define me, my "failures" will not. I won't be "owned" by what I couldn't do this week or let it steal my joy. Right now my focus is going to be putting myself and family first, seeking in every moment what God has purposed for me. You don't have to have Fibro to live by that standard. Give yourself a break. Eternal life is the prize, does dusted base boards really matter?


References:
*http://chronicfatigue.about.com/b/2012/01/10/10-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself-with-fibromyalgia-chronic-fatigue-syndrome.htm?nl=1
**Fibro FROG - (Fully Rely On God) If we need a cute name for ourselves I can't think of a better one.
***http://timpyles.com/2012/01/13/tebows-faith-based-amnesia/

Where art thou blogger?

I've been on hiatus from blogging. Because I haven't had anything worthy of writing and because I have not had access to the laptop. Blogging on my iPod is completely ununfeasible.

Folding Fitted Sheets, again, took on a new meaning for me this month, when my dryer broke. It's fixed now, finally, but I spent a week hanging laundry on a clothes line. I was amazed at how wonderful those fitted sheets smelled when I took them off the line. It makes my whole linen closet smell fabulous! Needless to say, even though the dryer is fixed, the clothesline is still up and running. It's almost meditative to hang out the wash. It's quiet, expect for the birds and the breeze and the sound of sheets snapping in the wind.

Speaking of meditative, June has been a great month for Tai Chi. We are nearly 2/3rds of the way through the form. It has become more difficult but also more rewarding. I've been getting amazing information and encouragement from the Tai Chi folks I follow on Twitter. I could (and probably will) do another BLOG post on my Tai Chi experiences.

Finally, I'm happy to report that June has been a flare-free month! Who could ask for better?

Husband is finally back at work, full time. It's been very odd adjusting after having him home for 3 months. It has definitely put our "Twilightedness" to a test. It's easy to be Twilighted when you are together all day, every day. It's a little harder when you spend the day apart doing different things, living nearly separate lives. All in all, we've readjusted, realigned and are working very hard to meet our goal of working together. Let the Twilightedness continue!!

June has also been a month of adjusting to having all three......children (sometimes I have other words for them, like "urchins", "noise makers", "nerve wreckers") back at home. It's been a little rough, truly. They aren't used to being together all day, either. I think they have most of the fighting and arguing out of their systems and things are becoming more peaceful. More and more they are being referred to in more loving terms such as "sweet peas", "cutie pies", "love bugs". I think that's a sign of improvement.

Twitter has also opened my mind more to chronic illnesses. Not only because of my own suspicions of having PMR, but also because of some really great people I follow. There are some wonderful women who have Fibro and other "invisible illnesses" who inspire me. Of course I have a dear friend who has Fibro and I am able to see what a toll it takes on her life, daily. It's becoming a passion of mine to find, if not a cure, a way to identify flare triggers or other ways these women (myself included) can live a better quality of life.

I've crammed several months worth of experiences into this one post. There is so much more I could write. I wish I had taken the time to write out the 3 months spent with my husband and what a joy and an adventure that was. I'm not sure I can capture it as well in words now that the time has past.

This is a start of a new adventure, however, so hopefully I will be motivated to write more often.