Skunked!

Last night, at midnight, our cocker spaniel went outside and began quite the commotion. I opened the door to yell at him to stop and the two little dogs ran out to join him. There ensued the loudest dog induced frenzy I think I've ever heard! Sawyer is barking at whatever, Chloe is barking at Sawyer, and Xander is barking as not to be left out. Then in a final fit of yelping and howling, they all scattered and my husband comes out the other door to see whats going on. "There on the lawn arose such a clatter, I jumped from my bed to see what was the matter". I saw a black furry animal dart from the scene and I thought it was a cat. Of course then we smelled it. Sawyer and Chloe headed back to the bedroom door and we grabbed them to make sure they weren't sprayed. It was only then we realized Xander was missing. I ran to the living room and there he was furiously rubbing his face on the carpet. He had gotten skunked right in the snout! His eyes were swollen shut so we threw him in the shower, without regard to risking our own stinkiness. Sawyer walked around with his head drooping and Chloe hid under the bed.
By 2:00 am Xander was still traumatized but not quite as stinky, however, the carpet was beyond fixing. I finally gave up, covered my nose and mouth with the sheet and finally fell into a sound sleep.

Today the house still reeks despite all efforts to fumigate. As in so many of life's situations the best you can do sometimes is laugh. So here is my l Top 8 reasons why it's good to have skunk smell in your house. In no particular order:
1. You can no longer smell the garbage, litter boxes, dirty socks, or the thing under the boys bed that I'm afraid to fish out.

2. The instant cure for fatigue is seeing your dog rub skunk oil all over your new carpet. You find the energy to instantly spring into action.

3. It wards off all door to door salesmen and religious types on bicycles. No one wants within 10 yards of the front door!

4. The wicked stench burning your nose totally causes you to ignore the fibromyalgia pain

5. The entire family is suddenly motivated to clean everything in sight.

6. No one notices my lack of cooking skills due to their overwhelmed olfactory senses.

7. We are saving on utilities as the house is now lit and heated by the flame of scented candles.

8. If I ever get this smell out, I will never again complain about the "dog smell". Come to think of it, that might have been their plan all along!

The Alien Inside Me

Some days it seems I will never be able to get up. When I first woke up my pain level was lower. It's crawling upward. That's literally what it feels like: pain crawling through me. It moves, or spreads, rather. What started in my back this morning has now stretched its arms and legs into my shoulders and hands. Maybe if I think of the pain as a symbiotic being living within me I could tolerate it better. Give it a name, an identity. Then either befriend it, or cast it out. (anyone else visualizing The Host, here?) In many ways that's what a Fibro diagnosis is like. A new element takes residence in your life and seeks to take over. It changes your body, your brain, your activities, even your sleep. For the most part you are at Its mercy. Believe me! Most people will find it just as likely that your body has been invaded by an alien as they will believe you are actually ill with an "invisible illness". So let's just have fun with this analogy, shall we?

In the beginning you may lose yourself to It, mourning your former life, activities, sometimes even your loved ones as those you used to do things may withdraw from you. Later you try remember who you were before and may become motivated to reclaim yourself! That's where I am.

I've given up activities, lost friends. Thank God, He sent me a husband who believes in forever! Who stands by his vow of "in sickness and in health". So day by day I spend a bit of time considering what I can do to either live a fuller life with my new "friend", put it to sleep with pain pills, eradicate it with vitamins and diet change (if that's even possible), or simply embrace it and lay down with it. Some days I get farther than others, more motivated, and that's what this BLOG is about.

Regardless of which choice I make, my life is mine! I want it back. I will claim it back with my new friend tagging along or without. Remembering what I love about my life and doing a little of that every day (even if only minutes), is my instant victory. One day, with God's help, it will be more than minutes and my life will be fully my own again.

If you are suffering from something chronic or life changing (illness, depression, grief) I ask you to subscribe to this BLOG and share with me. The journey is easier if you walk with a friend, sharing your struggles and victories. I welcome your comments and encouragement.

P.S. Leave comments to suggest a name for my bodily inhabitant. Although "Flo" would be appropriate at the moment, let's try for something else. Flo is my alien's cousin. They don't play well together. :)

Run for it!

Today's BLOG is therapy.

I woke up at 1:00 am with an anxiety attack. It would subside while I was awake but the second I would drift into sleep, it would kick back in. Quite literally, kicking me out of bed.

I'm no virgin to panic attacks, I've had a few. I have a little mantra I chant to myself until the panic subsides. But this was a different kind of animal. There seemed to be no source: fear of loss, nightmare, overdrawn bank account. Try as I might, I couldn't identify a trigger. If I could just FIND the source, I could start talking my way out of it. I have only had one other like this, which I wrote off to heat exhaustion and being isolated in a tent in the middle of the woods.

Eventually, it went away, and I fell asleep into blissfully happy dreams.

Then I woke up.

I'm not in panic mode today. But I do feel anxious and irritable. I'm reflecting because I want this feeling to go away. I read two things from other writers in the last two days: one discussed "running" from your situation, and how you can't run from yourself. That is relevant because that's what I feel like doing. Not driving, but taking off on foot, as fast as I can. From what? To where?

The second writer talked about curling into the fetal position and rocking back and forth. I laugh as I reflect on her post because she felt like she was crazy. She felt like SHE was crazy? Sister, I relate believe me! Either neither one of us are crazy or we both are. I guess, no matter, we're in good company.

So on to the therapy section of this post, now that I have identified the physical reaction. I read a really great article on personal "tipping points". How doctors need to look at the total package when treating patients to determine the possible effects their lives may be having on their health.

Is that me? Did I reach a tipping point yesterday? Nothing eventful happened. I mean, its just the same old stuff that's be going on for a while, now. Why, at that particular moment, did I just feel like I was going to blast off into space? Why do I still feel that way?

I do wish I could run away. I'm not happy where I'm at right now, everything has turned on its head. The only thing I can liken it to is being in a life preserver treading water. But none of that is new. We really need to catch a break somewhere. So many unexpected good things have come along, which is where I got the life preserver, to start with. But my arms are growing tired from treading. Every time I get a corner tucked in, the opposite one pops out. I don't need to run, I need the Coast Guard. I need a life boat. I need a superhero. I need something truly, and wonderfully good, to pull these burdens off of my heart. God will not let me drown. He has given me everything I need to stay afloat, but there have been no easy answers. I think he expects me to swim to shore. Ever tried to run in the water? Yes. That's about what it feels like right now.

I'm going to do my best today and not try to run in the water. It's exhausting. I'm going to try to tip my head back, and just float. I'm not getting too far any other way.

P.S.
Do you know what I noticed in my spell check? How closely "preserver" is to "perservere". Hmmm.